Image via Unsplash, Chermiti Mohamed.
Written by Natasha Knoff, LMFT
Everyday life is stressful enough for us all.
Today is different.
A couple of weeks ago, if I wrote a blog about trauma-informed self-care, my approach would likely have included a section about attending to needs on “bad days”. Days when your unique trauma symptoms flare up due to a trigger.
But today, as I write this blog, “everyday life” looks very different.
It’s incredibly stressful, and it’s potentially triggering the symptoms of past traumas for many of us.
The current impact and future possibilities that are necessary for humans to be socially responsible, prevent personal illness, and be prepared for potential quarantine can evoke the traumatic circumstances you have lived through in the past.
If you’re feeling stressed out right now, that is completely normal. I encourage you to seek as much support as you need.
If you’re stressed out and have a history of trauma this blog is written especially for you.
I am speaking to you for two important reasons. The first is to normalize how this crisis is affecting you - for you and those around you. Some of the best trauma-informed care is based in community care. The second is to invite you to hold space for your trauma-influenced responses in ways that are actionable and come at no financial burden.
If you feel triggered or overwhelmed by reading about trauma and related issues, please just skip down to the second half to read suggested practices to take care of yourself today.
Sudden, Major Change Can Feel Unwelcome to Your Mind-Body
Change on the Small Scale
Every single person has changed some set of daily habits - hand washing, sterilizing, taking vitamins, etc. The vast majority of people are quickly changing how they work, learn, and connect with others. The average person has engaged in some level of disaster preparation by buying more food, water, and other supplies in stores that are struggling to keep up with the demand.
Change on the Big Scale
On a large scale, the institutions we depend on are closing their doors and people are forced to stay home to practice “social distancing”.
If you’re reading this, you’ve likely been affected by the following or will soon be:
-Your place of education closed for the next several weeks or more.
-Your child’s school is closed for several weeks or more.
-Your church has cancelled in-person worship services and large gatherings.
-Your workplace is severely cutting hours or (if you’re lucky) you’re working from home.
-Your travel plans to that work or play destination are cancelled.
-That annual conference/sporting event/family gathering/milestone event will not happen.
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These changes are indeed necessary precautions. I don’t disagree with the efforts people are putting into place for our collective safety.
What I am highlighting here is the overwhelming amount of change you are experiencing right now. Your mind-body feels the weight of these changes individually and cumulatively. You are not fragile or weak or incompetent if you are experiencing a resurgance of symptoms related to trauma.
Your mind-body is telling you “This is too much, too soon, and without my consent.” Your mind-body knows how you were hurt in the past, is sending warning signals, and harnessing the power of your nervous system to respond to any potential threat.
One a certain level, the triggered response of your mind-body is ironic. The heightened response of your mind-body is a form of protection. This demonstrates how much your mind-body loves and cares for you.
But you probably feel terrible - “on-edge”, difficulty concentrating, panicked, worried, trouble sleeping, chronic pain flare ups, tense muscles, and nightmares.
Cancelled Plans, Social Distancing & Limits Can Bring Up Grief
Trauma is closely tied to the experience of grief. For those who have a trauma history, you know what I’m talking about implicitly and need little explanation. For those who don’t understand, let me explain.
One defining factor of trauma is - you didn’t choose to experience it. You didn’t ask that person to assault you. You didn’t ask to be abused. You didn’t ask for that life-threatening illness. Your house fire was a complete accident. It just happened.
When something happens without our consent - you lose your agency. It’s stolen from you. And it’s normal to grieve this type of loss - the loss of choice.
We are being told by scientists and the government to stay inside, to avoid this, avoid that and it’s presented as a non-negotiable set of rules to follow. Although for good reason - we are being told and not asked.
Additionally, the changes are very immediate and practical. The limitations on our lives right now are related to movement and how we live moment by moment. Not just changes in attitudes or feelings.
The Atmosphere of this Threat is Similar to the Trauma of Abuse
A large percentage of people who suffer from traumatic injuries identify abuse in either childhood, and/or adult relationships. Abuse can be defined as harm that occurs within a highly controlling environment.
Abusers will isolate, control, and manipulate their victims in order to make them vulnerable to different forms of harm. Controlling their movements, warning them of outside dangers, forcing them to follow rigid rules.
Sounds a lot like the world during this time of COVID-19 terror, right?
The “social distancing” and “quarantine” measures can feel just like the isolation you felt when you were in relationship with a past abuser. The worry associated with having adequate supplies can remind you of when your abuser deprived you of material comfort or basic needs. When you think about the possibility of contracting the illness, you might also remember the physical pain you experienced at the hands of the person who hurt you.
Trauma-Informed Self-care Practices
Image via Unsplash, Chermiti Mohamed.
Some say that the phrase “self-care” is overused, and they don’t understand what it means. When I say self-care, I mean the rituals, daily practices, and habits you can start right now to regulate your nervous system response, tend to your feelings, and maintain healthy relationships with others.
More importantly, these are totally free ideas and very accessible.
1) Breathing
Harness the life-sustaining power of your breath. Deep breathing practices are an easy skill to learn very quickly. YouTube and Instagram are filled with instructional videos that you can follow-along with. Here is my quick practice: Sit or lay down somewhere comfortable. Place your hand gentle on your stomach. Breath in deeply through your chest and imagine your lungs taking in clear, soft air. You will notice your belly rising with this intake. Breath out slowly and enjoy the relaxation that spreads across your body. Repeat 10 times for an instantly reduced stress level and possibly boosted mood!
2) journal keeping
Not everyone like to hand write. Then throw out the idea that “journaling” has to be with a pen and paper. Or that it has to be formal, or take a long time. My tips: Write notes in your phone. You can even use voice dictation modes like Siri for iPhone to get out your thoughts quickly in a “stream of consciousness” style of writing. Thoughts that stay in our heads and aren’t examined can lead to increased depression, anxiety, feelings of doom, etc. Get them out and see them for what they are. Maybe there is some wisdom you need to listen to. Maybe there are fears you can identify as exaggerated. This leads me to my next point.
3) share feelings/thoughts with a trusted persoN
If you notice something in your journaling process that feels really important - share it with someone who you trust. Sharing a troublesome feeling or thought can feel so alleviating to your stress level. Don’t underestimate this need at a time like now. Share an anxiety, share a weird dream you had, a hopeful idea for the future…whatever you like! You can also practice good boundaries by being clear in what you expect in return. Ask this support person to: give you feedback, just listen, or for them to share about themselves in return.
4) planning (for the best)
Write a mental or actual list of the things you want to do when this COVID-19 crisis is over. There is no reason to believe that the worst case scenarios is a 100% guarantee. If you find that you have a specific goal and you want to break it down further - plan for that! It can be a large goal like “take a dream trip with my best friend” or a small one “get an A in that summer class”. Breaking down your goal into manageable steps can help you feel immediately empowered, hopeful, and excited. All good feelings to combat the stress of this time.
5) get into your body
There is a lot of talk about immune systems and sickness and other terrible things at the moment. Everyone is talking about avoiding danger and we’re all on edge. Shift the focus of your physical health away from threat-awareness to enjoyment and pleasure. Sure, you can do that at-home workout that gets your heart rate up and boosts your mood. But, I would also suggest this: Enjoy the other great things your body lets you feel. Play with that old set of watercolors you have lying around. Watch how the natural light catches the water and pigment mixing and how pleasing it is to the eye! Listen to soothing music with your eyes closed. Can you pick up on different instruments that you normally don’t hear when your eyes are open? Truly, your body is meant for play, pleasure and enjoyment. This can be so helpful in relieving stress, and cultivating a sense of safety in your body that is based on something more powerful than fear, trust.
6) *talk to a therapist
To be fair, this one isn’t always free. Counseling services do cost money, and the rates depend on many factors such as insurance coverage, the type of therapy provided, etc. There are free or highly-reduced resources available. I recommend Open Path Collective as a great website to find therapists who are experienced, and compassionate. This directory is for therapists who set aside a number of slots in their weekly caseload to see clients for less than half of the average session rate. Take a look and it doesn’t hurt to call or email a lot of people to find the right one for you. And, many more people than ever before are looking for services at this uncertain time. You will not be the only one looking for this type of support.
Additionally, our practice is still taking new clients. We have switched to telehealth services (video chat therapy sessions) for all of our clients to protect them from the possible transmission and contraction of the COVID-19 virus. Our client’s well-being also includes their physical safety, so we made this important change just a couple of days ago.
AND- major insurance companies like Blue Cross Blue Shield have just announced that all insurance plans have been included in a nation-wide expansion of telehealth services. You can get video sessions and use your insurance even if you didn’t have telehealth coverage before!
If you want to talk to a therapist at Evergreen ASAP - please call 630-480-0060 x. 0 or email natasha@evergreencounseling.co and I would be happy to connect you with the right person for your needs. You can also visit our staff page to call/email the therapist of your choice through their contact info.
Be well, take care of yourself, and we’ll get through this together!
Natasha Knoff, LMFT is a licensed therapist and the co-owner of Evergreen Counseling along with her business partner, Priscilla Pean, LCPC. Their offices are located in Wheaton, IL but telehealth services can be provided to anyone in the state. They have 9 therapists who specialize in various client issues and are trained in evidenced-based methods such as EFT, IFS, family systems, trauma-informed yoga, and more. Call or email today!